Dad 2.0 - Better, Faster, Stronger (Okay, maybe not)

2012-01-12T22:46:00.002-05:00

Random Thoughts ...

I'm getting nostalgic and sentimental in my old age. Here are some things I miss from the good old days:

Good quality Saturday morning cartoons. Cartoon Network doesn't cut it, sorry.
Comic books. I was a collector in my youth, still have about 1,300 stored away, but I can't justify dropping $5 on a single title or whatever ridiculous price is charged nowadays. Do you know what ruined comic books? Adults and corporate America. The same bozos who killed off Captain America just to turn a buck, and turned Nick Fury into Samuel L. Or is that the other way around?
Glass pop bottles. You say soda. I'm from the Midwest and we call it pop, so get the hell over it.
Classic Sherlock Holmes movies with Basil Rathbone.
Tossing a tennis ball against the curb in the middle of the street out front, just to play catch and get out of the house.
Detroit Tigers announcer and Hall of Famer Ernie Harwell, may God rest his soul.
Swimming in the pool at my mom's house in the middle of the night, listening to the crickets.
The McSteak sandwich from McDonalds, or whatever the heck it was called. It was sold for a short time, somewhere around my early teenage years.
Getting the newspaper delivered by kids I knew. Paper routes were a great little after school money maker for kids, till some knuckle headed bean counter decided papers had to be delivered by 6 am every morning -- just so an adult could toss it on the couch on the way out the door to work.
Original Scooby Doo episodes. You can catch them occasionally on Cartoon Network or On Demand. Man, those were the best. Casey Kasem as Shaggy rocked. Can you believe it? He turns 80 in a few months!
24 flavors of Faygo pop, which my mom would buy at a discount pop store -- by the case, for something like a few dollars.

Another round of resolutions

2011-12-31T21:33:00.003-05:00

Less than half of adults in America make resolutions for the new year, this according to a few random websites I just googled, including this one. But why? People make careers of speculating and analyzing, but I think it's something more simple but overlooked.

People are smart enough not to make promises to themselves they can't keep. That's always been my excuse, though maybe it's sheer laziness. As I write this, I still haven't decided on any resolutions, so you'll just have to read to the end to find out what I do. In the meantime, here's the short list of things I did or didn't accomplish in 2011.

Did Not

Get a raise. Two years and counting. Hrmphh.
Adopt any new pets.
Have anymore kids. Been there. Done that. Finished.
Fix the two gates leading into our backyard. Gotta get some new hinges before spring.
Clean the garage.
Finish the sequel to my YA novel.
Publish anything as an e-book.
Finish Nanowrimo -- again.
Get a back-up hard drive for our family computer. Dangerous, I know.
Find a stash of money or priceless treasures hidden in our house from the last owners. Damn. Almost 10 years and counting, should probably give up now, huh?

Did

Finished my first YA novel.
Stayed employed! Whoo hoo!
Taught our six year old how to ride her bike. Okay, it was early in the fall, and she'll have to practice again in the spring, but that counts for something. Right?
Painted a few rooms on the first floor, getting two more items off a never ending Honey Do list.
Organized the home office. Kind of. I can see the top of the desk at least.
Started personal blogging more, though not as much as I'd like.
Found a few freelance writing gigs. Just gas or loose spending money, really.
Saw one first-run movie in the theatres, Super 8. Kind of fun.
Accidentally lost 20+ pounds. I say accidentally because that's what it was. I dramatically cut back on my beloved Pepsi, started eating smaller portions, and regularly drank about 100 ounces of water each day.
Decided that I would write a sequel to a Vatican themed thriller I wrote several years ago, and that it would be for myself, the way I want it written, rather than how I think an agent or publisher would want it. Straight to e-book anonymity, in other words.

So about those resolutions. I don't have anything significant. I'll be entering the 2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest, mostly for giggles, and I'd like to publish two or three novels as e-books, but that depends on raising enough spare change through freelance gigs to afford the ISBNs and other related expenses. Maybe I'll lose some more weight, as I promised the wife unit I'll hit the treadmill for 30 minutes everyday while she does other exercises. Gotta be supportive.

Anyway, that's enough for now. See you in 2012.

Well, that was a surprise

2011-12-20T20:13:00.002-05:00

My wife's reaction was kind of expected when I sheepishly told her the news.

"You did what!" she bellowed, more exclamation than question. There was a mild trace of indignation 1n her voice, which I immediately understood.

So, what did I do? I'm getting there, but let me back up to sometime in mid-September. Being an old dude, a rung or two past middle aged, I try and be good and get yearly physicals -- usually with no problems. I face the same questions:

Doctor: "Do you exercise?"

Me: "Mmm, not really."

Doctor: "Smoke?"

Me: "Nope."

Doctor: "Drink?"

I shake my head no, wondering why he doesn't review my chart from the last visit.

Doctor: "Any unusual aches or pains?"

Me: "Not unless you count six kids."

He chuckles, then announces he'll perform a series of tests -- none of which involve him strapping on a pair of latex gloves. Yeah!

A few weeks later, I received the test results. For the most part, I'm fairly healthy, but the tests indicate I may be at risk for high blood pressure and some other non-life threatening stuff I can't remember. Really. Non-life threatening. If it were, I'd remember.

My wife is concerned. My standard answer: "Don't worry. I have life insurance."

That wasn't a good response, obviously, as it earned me a brief lecture on exercise, trying not to stress out about work, enjoy life -- all the text book stuff designed to scare me into living longer, learning to settle for unappetizing food. Stuff life that. Being a man -- and with a semi-freakishly large family to support -- I, too, was a bit concerned.

Now back to my wife's reaction about six week after the test results came back.

"You did what!"

Wait for it. Ready? I lost 15 pounds with little or no effort -- in about two months. No Jenny Craig. No weight Watchers. No lap-band surgery to restrict the size of my stomach. No getting up at the crack of dawn to exercise like mad. No rushing to the gym after work. Dude, I'm a working father with a boat load of kids, and I could -- and do -- spend that kind of cheddar on my kids, not myself.

So my wonder solution? Drum roll. I simply cut down on meal portion sizes, reduced snacks during the day, cut down on the amount of Pepsi I drink, and started chugging between 60 and 80 ounces of water every day during working hours. So of course, I pee like a racehorse, but it's worked. Like many dedicated "soda pop" drinkers who often tried to go cold turkey, I had caffeine withdraw headaches at first. But I got over that, and now treat myself to a Pepsi a few times a week, at most.

So it worked, and I plan on continuing. I'd like to drop another 10 pounds, which would be nice. I'll never be ballerina svelte like I was back in the day, but I'm becoming a shadow of my former self -- the shadow being not so large anymore -- and I'm good with that.

What about you?

Sequel Time

2011-09-29T18:11:00.002-05:00

So now that I've begun writing the sequel to my da Vinci-themed YA novel, the hardest part right off the bat was the first chapter. The real problem is I always this storyline as a serial-type YA adventure, with no gap between one book and the next -- optimistically assuming there'd be more. Even though book one ended at x-marks-the-spot with a cliffhanger like scene, book two picks back up in the same place -- mostly -- with the same characters. I've taken the time to lead off with two new bad guys and, potentially, many questions for the reader, but what's your strategy in these situations?

Often enough, sequels take place years, if not decades, apart. Characters lives have changed (or ended "off the page") but I didn't want to go that route. For these characters, it's all about the "now."

That being said, I fully expect to run into roadblocks along the way as new concrete is poured. The story and the characters determine their own fate.

Foolish optimism or confirming Plan B?

2011-09-12T21:44:00.002-05:00

In case anyone was wondering, the lack of blog updates the last few weeks is symptomatic of one thing: School is back in session.

You know what that means. Vacation is over for the kiddies, and a new round of purgatory starts for many parents across the country. Sure, the kids are out of the house, but here's just a sample of what the school year holds at my place:

Sharing responsibility for getting the kids off to school. That means waking little sleepy heads up, some as early as 545 am. That means packing lunches, getting butts out the door, walks to the bus stop, drives to middle school, drives to pre-school, limousine service to and from a local community college because V2 doesn't have a car, yet.
It means soccer practice and games for two, it means dance classes for three, and coordinating efforts with my better half on transportation issues. Neither of us can be in two places at once, and I'm worried that uneducated cloning experiments may result in a hideous copy with a spare set of eye balls and an embarrassingly hair set of body parts in places they're not supposed to be -- so we gladly share the responsibility.
It means Girl Scout meetings, cookie sales, after school events, with little time for luxuries in life -- like taking a breather, for instance.

So you get the picture. Blogging may take a back seat for a while, and writing the sequel to my YA novel may be on hiatus till NanoWriMo drops in November.

In the interim, I've decided to take a leap of faith and send queries to a few agents. That's what I call my "foolish optimism" in the title of this post. "Plan B" is what I always planned -- just get it over with, and publish the thing as an e-book and see what hits the fan. So far, out of two queries I've had a request for the first 10 pages. Not a bad average. We'll see where it goes.

Hypermiling Experiment

2011-08-30T17:53:00.002-05:00

I've decided to undertake an experiment in hypermiling, and so far it's paying off pretty nicely. The concept is fairly simple.

You use driving techniques to maximize your fuel efficiency, like these folks from downunder. It's a pretty obvious strategy that, while good for your wallet and the environment, gets routinely ignored because 1.) It's not sexy enough, and 2.) It forces you to drive like a senior citizen juiced up on benadryl.

The concept only works if you retrain every fiber of your being to accept that it's okay to not accelerate like you're competing for the next Indy 500 pole position, that it's okay not to challenge Mr. Midlife Crisis with a bad comb-over in his Corvette to see who can get to the red light first, that it's okay to actually drive the speed limit, and that it's okay to not tailgate all the time just because, as Americans, we're always in a freakin' hurry.

Beyond that, it takes a fair amount of physical and spiritual courage. That ass wipe tailgating you on the freeway on-ramp -- who then blows by you like you're standing still when you're really doing the speed limit -- doesn't deserve the honor of having his ego boosted when you try and give chase to flip him off.

I'm not sure all of the advice from that Aussie couple flies, though. You can't expect to hypermile during bumper to bumper rush hour -- perhaps doing 3-5 miles per hour under the speed limit -- and not get into a fender bender with the dump truck driver who's behind you and may not be paying attention to ecologically friendly driving techniques.

In my experiment, I've been pretty successful raising my combined city-highway mileage from 26 MPG to about 29.5 MPG in the last month or so. That's driving a basic four cylinder sedan with no special "eco boost" or other mileage sipping technology on the same route to and from work every day -- a little over 46 miles round trip. With no deviation. Come hell or high water. I rarely use the air conditioning, accelerate very conservatively, use the cruise control once I get up to the speed limit, and have reduced the need to brake by disengaging the cruise control at the right times -- i.e.: by paying attention to traffic patterns, and keeping my eyes open for overly aggressive or passive drivers who may get in the way. Once I'm on the freeway, for instance, I do everything in my power to avoid braking or accelerating like some badass NASCAR fan on his way to buying more Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia.

The goal is to make it to 30 MPG before fall and winter set in. Once that happens, the real challenge begins.

The debate begins

2011-08-24T19:19:00.002-05:00

So as a writer, my worst enemy is myself. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the topics I write about, but I'm not so married to them that I can't be a butcher when necessary. I've gone through my YA novel twice, cutting and slashing prose that's lazy, fat, beyond it's prime. The issue I'm struggling with now is ... when is enough enough? The heart and soul of the story are there, the characters are good, but there are a few things here and there I'm debating adding.

The finish up strategy is to move on to the sequel, which I have sketched out very briefly in my trusty Moleskin, and maybe include chapter one as a teaser chapter or prologue for book one. Any thoughts on that one way or the other?

Motivation and Inspiration

2011-08-19T18:15:00.006-05:00

Ever since I could read and write, and I was pretty proffecient by kindergarten or the first grade, I've wanted to be a novelist. To me, putting a story on paper that people could enjoiy and having them know it was something I created, was the greatest thing in the world. The earliest inspiration of course were many wonderful Dr. Seuss books, followed by comic books, classic movies, then life, then other books.

In elementry school, there was a terrific teacher -- Ms. Kitty Orlicki (what a name!) -- who prodded me to succeed in my English classes and encouraged me to write as much as possible, whenever possible. When I was 11 or 12, I created what I felt would be a great comic book character, but decided to give him the full novel treatment. Orlicki, god rest her soul, was utterly amused and proud and decided to spend several days reading it out loud in class. I was mortified. I wasn't ready to share, for many reasons. But I kept writing.

In high school, it was more of the same. Teachers offered words of encouragement, feeling that maybe it was my calling, so I kept writing, entering a few insignificant school writing contests -- usually winning or placing near the top. It was a good diversion, an escape from the realities of a less than perfect home life. But I kept it close to the vest, so to speak, not really wanting to talk about it outside my family or a few close friends. In the back of my mind, I felt there wasn't much point. I knew pretty early that hard work wasn't necessarily the defining ingredient for success. You needed to dump it in a pot, add a dollop of fortune, a pinch of perseverance, and let it simmer, sometimes for years.

College beckoned, and I joined the school newspaper so I would at least have that as a regular outlet for the writing itch. But anyone who's worked as a journalist -- but secretly wanted to be a novelist -- will tell you there's a world of difference between the two. I took as many college writing classes as were offered, excelled in all of them, received accolades and words of encouragement from professors, then for many reasons just let go ...

So here I am, twenty some years later, still plugging away. I spent a few years toiling as a journalist, but got out mostly because back in the early '90s, it didn'y pay. I had a young family to feed (and still do, go figure), and I wasn't interested in being a strike breaker to go work for either of the daily newspapers in town. So I joined the ranks of information technology and the fledgling internet community, and have been there ever since. The dream's still alive, but I gotta tell you, it's flickered many times, nearly burning out. Along the way, I've met sympathetic and supportive fellow writers, like Tex Ragsdale, who've offered constant encouragement and inspiration.

And now I've come across a new source for inspiration, a writer named John Locke, an amazing story of success and overcoming the odds when chance of success seemed pretty grim. If you haven't heard of him, visit his blog, buy his books on Amazon (including a how-to book), tune into his story. His basic philosophy is simple yet powerful: Don't give up, forget about literary tradition as defined by regular publishing models, just keep writing -- but get your work out there. He knows what he's talking about, as he's one of only eight writers to sell more than a million e-books -- and the first to top one million for the Kindle alone. What a story. Need inspiration? This guy oozes it like water from Niagara Falls.

E-Books are the king

2011-08-18T23:01:00.002-05:00

And so is this guy, John Locke.

Great story on MSNBC about the rise of e-books.

Locke's a great story, and I'll be blogging more about him this weekend -- but if there's one successful e-author to emulate, it's gotta be him.

So maybe I lied

2011-08-16T21:50:00.002-05:00

A shocking revelation, I know. But you can handle it.

Between last night and tonight, I got an itch. No, not that one, so put your eyes back in your head and zip it. I don't know about authors and wannabees like me, but when I've hit a groove with a story or character, it's all I think about at any spare moment. I'm all in, and I tend to remember the story as a movie in my brain. Sometimes it's a royal pain when it causes sleep deprivation, but other times it's a nice boost. In this case, I kept seeing the story in my brain all day and decided I could jump in and start another round of edits.

At this point in the game, I'm trying to follow same very sage advice from this guy -- cut, cut, cut. Extra words -- get rid of 'em. Conversations, paragraphs, descriptions -- anything that doesn't move the story forward, it's gone. So that's what I'll do till I reach the end, then start over and fill in some other soft spots.

I'm debating whether this should just be an ebook right out of the shoot, or try and go the traditional, exhausting, and depressing route of trying to find an agent, getting built up then tore down, then going on hiatus for a while. I have the novel out with a friend who's going to provide feedback when possible -- any other takers out there?

The standard disclaimer applies: This is a very rough draft that needs editing and other work. It could be crap, for all I know.

Let me know. My Twitter feed is here.

A short break?

2011-08-14T19:32:00.003-05:00

So I've finished the first draft of my YA novel, cobbling together all the chapter files into one document and sending it off to a trusted friend for feedback, and I'm debating what the next step should be.

At some level, I'm eternally optimistic I'll put together a kick ass query letter and an agent will ask for then agree to represent the manuscript, but I'm also realistic. It's tough out there for writers and wannabees like myself. The internet has turned everyone into an author, so the odds aren't in my favor. Still ... the lure of getting repped and seeing my novel in print is strong. I'm not sure what I'll do. In the short run, I'm holding off on round two edits. I need to let it simmer a bit. I keep my trusty Moleskin tablet with me at all times, so I often grab it to jot down new ideas or something I feel needs to be clarified. Until then ...

Outlet Malls and a commercial break

2011-08-14T19:01:00.003-05:00

I heard about this recently, but had to find a source article myself before I could start slinging arrows and get really snarky. Here's the deal: Very reputable news outlets, among them Time, are reporting that outlet or discount malls are booming in this depressed economy. Absolutely booming. Popping up in uber urban lands of Oz like Chicago, single story, land-gulping outlet malls -- in the neighborhood of a half a million square feet or more. You can read about the Time article yourself.

There are many things that bother me about this article and this "new" outlet phenomenon in general: 1.) There's a not so subtle implication that now that upper-middle class folks and beyond are finally being squeezed by economic reality (welcome to the real world!), it's okay for outlet malls to become chic, and 2.) It's cheaper to build single-story retail sites than yet another Mall of America. This second point tells me it's smoke and mirrors, artificial demand being created by investors and builders who do their best Obi-Wan impersonation by waving their palm in your face to say "You will shop at the outlet mall. You will ignore the smaller retailers in your hometown you've been loyal to for years."

It's possible I'm reading and interpreting too much. But the fact of the matter is many Americans have been shopping at outlet malls for years simply because "the best" isn't always the best value. And that's okay. Which leads to another point: Outlet malls are often no cheaper than the prices you'd see at Target, Macy's, or any other big box retailer. And as builders, investors, and their over-paid marketing savants spin slick advertising campaigns, the value proposition -- and it's pretty slim to begin with -- will start to erode. When that happens and the next economic apocalypse hits, these outlet malls may not be able to take the pounding and we'll be left with even more depressed and empty areas of retail hell to contend with. Happy thought, right?

Distractions and speed bumps! Oh my!

2011-08-10T22:09:00.003-05:00

Yikes!

It's been 18 days since my last post -- the longest dry spell since my self-imposed three-year hiatus from the blogosphere, but I felt it necessary to force myself to get back to the computer and write. I had a big layoff with my YA novel, too, going more than a week between completing Round One edits and starting a wholesale re-write of chapter one. As I've said earlier, it's a bitch. The character development I was looking for in the protagonist -- a 13 year-old boy wonder -- didn't happen fast enough in the first draft, so I decided that chapter one in the re-write was the best place to start. I wish I could say that was the cause of the delay, but that'd be a slight exaggeration.

I'm not much into public confessions (I did enough of that during 12 years of Catholic school education, which I don't regret, by the way), and I won't bore you with all the personal details so many bloggers seem obsessed with sharing (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's been a rough two months. Money woes. Kid woes. Need to find a part-time job woes. Woe is f'ing me!

What the hell is happening in this country? Someone in Washington needs to find a bigger set of balls, because they'll be sorely needed -- and probably sore, too -- by the end of the year to get a real debt reduction plan in the works. Our future as a nation depends on it, and there's no more room for partisan bullshit paralyzing this country. Apparently, when you're a political stooge dining at the public trough -- and there are many from all parties included in that demographic -- the concepts of "majority rules" and "public consent" only apply when you're on the campaign trial, lining your pockets, making fake promises, and generally playing the role of a poorly dressed bobblehead doll. Once you've got that vote, you're in. You can skate and thumb your nose at the rest of us. There isn't a single leader in Washington prepared to give more than lip service on the ideas of compromise and tough choices. We need to reduce debt, sacred cows and favored programs need to be filleted quickly and fairly, and common sense needs to rule the roost ...

Holy crap! I just caught myself ranting and monologuing. The problem is, I'm a political science major and I used to care about this stuff. Now, it just pisses me off.

Back to the writing. I'll try and keep the distractions at bay -- the bastards! -- and post if I make any decent progress.

End of the space race?

2011-07-24T23:41:00.002-05:00

All this talk of the end of the space race for America because the shuttle fleet has been retired is nonsense. BS, actually. The shuttle fleet was always over budget, never achieved its objectives to its full potential, was dangerous -- more than so than the Apollo crafts before it. Of course, I'm not an expert, but nearly 40 years of mismanagement by NASA and Congress (going back to when Nixon first proposed it) put us in the mess we're in today. Every administration from Nixon on down has made their share of errors and miscalculations.

To go forward, there needs to be a radical change of thought and direction, and maybe NASA as it exists now isn't the best choice. The government's role should be in setting and policing standards, fostering research, spreading seed money, but stepping out of the way of the SpaceX's, Blue Origins, and Bigelow's of the world. The current administration, and the next, will miss their deadline of having a new U.S. spacecraft in the air by 2016, the project will be billions over budget, and Congress will needlessly debate and point fingers -- unless private industry comes through. The only way a true revolution in U.S. manned space exploration will happen is if we see a repeat of what happened with the internet, but at a much faster pace. While the government provided funds that gave rise to the internet, it took nearly 25 years before private industry made its mark and re-shaped the world. The same has to happen now with the space race. I'm betting on the likes of Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and others like them to pick up the government slack and lead America back into space. They're our last, best hope. Bank on it.

Editing, Day 6-7

2011-07-24T23:38:00.002-05:00

Well, this past week was a bit of a ... waste. Maybe that's a strong word. I spent a lot of time thinking, and decided that chapter one needed a wholesale re-write. Or rather, I'm wrtiting a new chapter one, and the old chapter one will become two, and so on down the line. The problem is getting the main character where I want him to be right off the bat, which I didn't do before. More details to follow.

Editing, Day Five

2011-07-19T20:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Day Five, was a pretty good one. I finished the first round of edits and will start on round two. The first five chapters will get the most attention. I somehow need to bring the main character -- the 13 year-old boy genius -- to life a bit more. Having read through the first draft, I see my best intentions and goals weren't met or established early enough, so that needs work.

Editing, Day Four

2011-07-17T21:48:00.002-05:00

So in case you haven't heard, the midwest is having a bit of a heat wave. Normally, it doesn't bother me too much, but when you've got high humidity and a houseful of kids and a whole house A/C unit not working very well ... life's a bummer. Tempers flare ("NO, sorry -- I'm not turning the thermostat down to 60!"), the brain gets fuzzier ...

You'll notice I skipped a post for day three editing. No, I didn't skip yesterday, just decided to post something else. Between yesterday and today, I've gone back over another 14 chapters and have made some minor tweaks, grammar corrections and the like, but nothing major. By about chapter six, I'd made it into a comfort zone and had a good feeling for all the major characters. As I wrote, it was second nature, their words made it to the page with little effort, but believe me -- there's ALWAYS room for improvement. No matter how much good-intentioned smoke a loved one blows up your arse, you can make adjustments, such as:

Dialogue. A killer for many writers, you need a well trained ear to nail it just right. I feel pretty comfortable in this respect, having been a journalist for a few years and forced to listen to different accents, phrases, etc. Because this is a YA novel and I have a houseful of kids, the banter between siblings is mostly a no-brainer. BUT STILL. I always pay special attention to the dialogue and have to remind myself that people don't always speak in complete sentences or with well-formed thoughts. There are "umms," "uhhs," and other assorted quirks of the English language to keep in play. Another misstep I watch out for is the dreaded "monologuing." You know, where you let your characters ramble on in dialogue as if every conversation was a speech before Congress or your church. People trip over the spoken word, characters in novels should do the same.
Continuity between later and earlier chapters. Three quarters of the way through the novel, all the characters are fully formed and direct where the story goes. I'm just the messenger or the wheels on the pavement, going where I'm told. The problem is making sure the character has developed over a believable time frame. How is he or she acting in chapter 28 compared to chapter 3? Did I miss something from way back then? Or have I added something in later chapters that to seems like "Yeah, of course" when I never mentioned it earlier?

There's so much to do, and my self-imposed deadline for another completed draft is only two weeks away. Time to get back at it.

Woes for teenage job seekers

2011-07-16T19:00:00.002-05:00

I'm sure we all agree the economy sucks, for many reasons. For some of us, it sucks worse than ever -- including teenage job seekers, my 18-year old son included. Last month, in a CBS News feature, it was estimated the unemployment rate for U.S. teens is somewhere in the neighborhood of 24 percent.

Twenty-four percent! More than double the national average. Over the past few months, I've nosed around a bit looking for part-time work, preferably freelance writing gigs. I've struck out so far, but my son has been looking and looking for more than six months. With no luck. A few on the spot interviews, but no follow-up calls. It's bothersome to him, and infuriating to me. At perhaps more than any other time, the economy and the fate of job seekers is very much driven by the concept of "who you know." Networking at the professional level is one thing, but being forced to develop a strategy to land a minimum wage fast food job? Ridiculous.

Editing, Day Three

2011-07-15T23:13:00.002-05:00

So between yesterday and today I finished high level edits on the first 10 chapters of my YA novel. By high level, I mean nothing more than a cursory read for spelling and grammar. That'll be my strategy from start to finish -- make a high speed pass, fix obvious errors, then go back and start over. I have no idea how real writers handle such editing chores, but for me it's a fairly involved process. When I get back at it tomorrow, I'll re-read chapters one through 10, then start the high-level scan on 11 for grammar and so forth. Once I make it to the end, the next editing phase begins:

Read the whole thing from start to finish, and take notes on gaps in plot and continuity.
Flesh out the characters and add in missing insights into who they are, motivations, etc. For instance, two of the main characters -- a father in his mid-50s and his father in his late-70s -- have been estranged for about 30 years when they're brought together again. There's tension, some bad vibes, but it quickly becomes obvious that even with all that's happened, they need each other and have to clear the air, so to speak. These guys, in my opinion, are pretty well set -- they're about as developed as they're going to get. The 13 year-old boy, son to the 50-ish father and grandson to the other, needs work. An underlying story line that's existed only in my head is the kid is, literally, a boy genius. Off the charts smart. Courted by colleges and corporate America, that sort of thing. But not much of that has been developed. He's a typical young teenager, not the kid I envisioned saving the world. So again, he needs character development -- which is fine, I like that part of he process.
Research on da Vinci and the times in which he lived. How can I translate that into the flow of the story without being disruptive? Is it matter of back story, or something else? I'm toying with the idea of a parallel plot, but we'll see. Part of the goal is just enough historical accuracy that can be tossed into a steaming pot of myth and legend, and blended together with a hint of suspension of disbelief. Capiche?
Current events and technology. I'm a current events nerd (thanks mostly to my days as a journalist), and troll technology sites like Wired ansd Engadget to read about the latest and greatest. The story needs relevance that only reality -- current events, technology, pop culture -- can add. My job is to weave it together seamlessly.

That being said, I'm done for the night. See y'all tomorrow.

Editing, Day Two

2011-07-14T22:38:00.002-05:00

I've gotten a bit of editing done this evening, not as much as I'd like, but some at least. Here's the problem, the first five chapters are rough -- more rough than I remembered, and disappointingly so. As I mentioned in a previous post, I really put it in gear last November when I participated in the National Novel Writing Month challenge (where you knock out a 50k novel in 30 days). Though I didn't finish as part of the challenge, the spirit is to finish a chapter a day, write as much as you can till the end, then leave the rest for editing. Quantity over quality, as it were.

I'm not overly pleased. The first five chapters won't require wholesale re-writing, but heavy enough editing and minor research to constitute a pain in the rear. The goal is to have the second draft done by the end of the month. We'll see how that goes.

Now for a minor fact that probably only matters to me: My untitled YA novel took 55 writing days to complete, start to finish, which includes multiple revisions to several chapters late in the game.

In the immortal words of Paul Blart, "Here's another fun fact ..." During the original NanoWriMo challenge last year, I turned out one chapter per day for 21 straight days. Not too shabby. After that, things went south pretty quick, thanks to assorted computer issues, time constraints around the holidays, and other assorted crap (AKA "family obligations").

So that's where I'm at. Thanks for visiting.

To prologue or not to prologue (or Editing, Day One)

2011-07-13T23:29:00.002-05:00

That is the question.

But before coming up with an answer, let me start by saying that editing efforts for today (yesterday, actually) are pretty much shot, flushed down the can, and will recommence, uh, today (as in, anytime after I get home from work, around six fifteen EST and don't have anything else to do).

As of right now, I'm contemplating editing tasks for my recently completed YA novel. I'll start at the beginning, which is either chapter one or a prologue, and that leads back to the title for this post: To prologue or not to prologue. How do other writers and would-be writers handle the prologue issue? Beats me. I've never polled any, but I happen to like a well-written prologue. In my case, I'm not sure whether to start the novel with a prologue featuring Leonardo da Vinci and an attempt on his life, or ... just turn it into a regular chapter.

Of course, there are other first chapter issues nagging me. Is it good enough? Have I introduced the main characters well enough, so the reader can relate to them, cheer for them, wish they'd go to hell? Who knows.

So those are my initial editing challenges. Wish me luck. Or not. I'll understand.

Let the editing begin

2011-07-12T20:26:00.002-05:00

So we're back from "vacation," and I use that term loosely because after 20 hours behind the wheel and a day at work, I need another day to recover. Know what I'm saying?

But rest is for whimps. Thanks to the wonders of caffeine and assorted junk food, I can squeeze more hours out of this tired body and brain. I've decided that it's time to jump in and start editing my first YA novel, as of yet untitled. I finished it a few days back while in Orlando, and took a little breather.

So I'm off, and I'll check back in with progress and other assorted nuggets and observations.

A little da Vinci goes a long way

2011-07-02T22:59:00.001-05:00

So as I tap out this post, I have a nearly completed young adult adventure novel sitting on my hard drive. I say nearly completed, but that's probably a stretch because I know the tentacles of procrastination are wrapped around me tightlty as ever -- and their damned little suckers won't let go. Writer's block isn't a problem and never has been. I don't believe in that crap and never have. Like many would-be writers, particularly those with children, it's always been a matter of time, resource management, and priorities. Number one has always been the family and, as you know if you've read some of my earlier posts, I have a large one (six kids) -- and it's sucked up time and resources like a black hole at an all-you-can-eat planet buffet. The wife unit may not be amused with that analogy, but it is what it is.

Early in my professional career, I was a journalist (small town newspapers) with dreams of using that as a spring board for other types of writing, fiction and non-fiction titles, magazines, whatever. But an embarrasingly low salary didn't pay the bills very well, so I left that career behind for a new one on the world wide web circa mid-1993, when Netscape Navigator was still a beta product. I went into IT, holding down titles as business analyst, developer, and project manager -- still hoping to somehow create forward momentum leading to a successful writing career. And here I am today.

Now back to that nearly completed young adventure novel. Targeted mostly toward middle schoolers, it involves a desperate race to locate Leonardo da Vinci's lost diaries -- and with them, the location to his secret workshops where, presumably, his greatest, undiscovered inventions have been stored for more than 500 years. The protagonist is a 12 or 13 year-old boy who stumbles into trouble when he hacks into an online auction site and places the winning bid for diaries written by a da Vinci protege -- diaries that may lead to da Vinci's own writings and other treasures. There's family drama -- the boy's father and grandfather have been estranged for 30 years, the kid's parents are nearing divorce and in financial ruin, and his little sister is a tag-along trouble magnet in her own right. Clandestine U.S. government agencies are involved (hey, they wouldn't mind getting a piece of the action, as long as someone else does the heavy lifting), there's a French villain with a 30 year grudge to grind out on the grandfather's head (and, yes, he's after the da Vinci goodies, too), and a relic band of warrior priests (The Knights Templar) are in the mix, too -- committed to protecting da Vinci's treasures and rehabbing their reputation at the same time ...

But maybe I've said too much. This da Vinci novel has been more than six years in the making. I've mentioned my pseudo-obsession with the Master before. It got a serious jump start last fall when I decided to join the National Novel Wring Month challenge, andf it's been moving along slowly. Of course, there have been interruptions, but per the challenge guidelines (write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days) and targeting one chapter per day, I'm nearing completion. Finally. I've gotten inspiration from my friend Tex, another struggling aspiring writer who took the plunge earlier this year and published Spidertown, young adult novel, as an ebook. Check it out. Buy it. Enjoy.

More details to follow. Thanks for letting me bend your ear.

A new civil war?

2011-06-24T21:55:00.005-05:00

Let's hope not, but I feel that in my lifetime -- and certainly my children's lifetime -- this great country will once again plummet into a civil war of some sort. It may not be as epic or costly as The American Civil War of 1861-1865, but this is a nation undergoing cataclysmic changes, politically, socially, economically. Here are what I see as the big risks in the next 35-40 years:

Our lack of a national energy policy, and lack of commitment by leaders of all parties (Democratic, Republic, Independent, Libertarian, and whatever other flavor-of-the-month party is lurking in the shadows) to channel our best scientific minds into creating viable, affordable, alternative energy sources is our achiles heel. Yes, we're making progress, but not fast enough. And arguments by some sectors that prices at the pumps need to be artificially inflated and maintained at $5 or more a gallon to make alt energy a reality are missing the point. A very small percentage of people in this country can afford -- either to lease, purchase, or maintain in the long run -- the current crop of alt energy, fuel efficient cars. $40,000+ for a Chevy Volt? Please. I dare anyone in the midwest to lease or buy that vehicle and drive it daily under "normal" conditions and see how the mileage compares to a normal gas vehicle such as a Ford Fiesta or a Chevy Cruze. And let me throw something else out there: An intelligent energy policy equals national security, and there's no greater threat to our security as a nation than our pigish dependence on oil.

Fresh water conservation. Don't laugh. I live in Michigan and will never move, and here's why: We simply have the best fresh water in the country, if not the world, and it has to be guarded and protected as if our lakes represented the last fresh water in the universe. Population is booming in the western states, but where does and will all their fresh water come from? How about for our family and friends in Texas? Fresh water needs to maintained and conserved globally, but honestly, it's a resource we all take for granted. The lack of fresh water for many millions of people in the not-so-distant future will be a firestarter in this country.

Skyrocketing healthcare costs and lengthening lifespans. As annoying as they can be sometimes, you gotta love and admire the "elderly." I sure as hell do, because I aspire to earn that same label some day. But lengthening lifespans and sky high healthcare costs are a dangerous combination. The longer people live, the more it costs to maintain their hardware, if you get my drift. I'm not advocating some evil, science fiction scenario such as Logan's Run, but I am saying we need to start controlling healthcare costs and better enforcing legislation to keep fraud at a minimum. Let's face it, people cheat in all walks of life and routinely take more than they earn or deserve, but in the 21st century that continues to be the death knell for afforable and accessible healthcare.

Of course, there are other risks lurking in the shadows: Religious and political extremism, the weakening U.S. dollar, inflation, global hunger, bad reality television shows (God, aren't they all bad? Be honest), just to name a few. Keep safe, hug your kids and other loved ones, and watch out for asteroids.

Off to DC

2011-06-23T22:32:00.002-05:00

No, not me. Our oldest kid, V1. Well, her name's not really V1, but because we have a near-reality television show sized family (six kids) I have been known to assign them all numbers proceeded by V. Hence V1 ... down to the latest edition, V6.

So she's off to Washington, D.C. for two months on an -- Lord almighty -- unpaid internship. Being a grumpy old man with too much crud on his brain and wax in his ears, I don't recall all the details of her assignment, but it's for a charity of some sort, involves smiling, answering phone calls, shaking hands. All the stuff crazy college kids do for free these days, just to add a line of "experience" to their resumes. I, of course, don't get the free part, but whatever.

And D.C.'s D.C. The White House, Lincoln Memorial, all sorts of awesome stuff. So I'm sure it'll be a great experience. It's already a decent conversation starter back here at the ranch. I'll post periodically with details as they come in, hopefully involving some juicy piece of political-tinged or clandestine-soaked gossipy-type intrigue.

Super 8

2011-06-21T23:19:00.003-05:00

I saw Super 8 over the weekend with my teenage sons, and it was a pretty decent movie. I've never been much of a fan of J.J. Abrams (I never got into Lost, and thought his Star Trek re-boot sucked), and probably won't be in the future, but Super 8 was fun -- good popcorn entertainment.

Having grown up in the Midwest during that era -- heck, I was in the 8th grade in 1979, just like the characters in the film -- the young teen characters were spot on: Their attitudes, the way they talked, the way they dressed. Abrams, who also was about the same age at that time, nailed that aspect of the film.

I've always been amazed at how convenient the plots on these sorts of films are, though. A supremely intelligent extra-terrestrial being from an advanced race somehow manages to land (or crash land) on Earth, gets imprisoned and probed (take that, you three-eyed, cow-stealing, anal-probing brother from another solar system), has his craft taken away, then manages to escape from his captors and flee the planet largely unharmed. Did I forget to mention the teenage angst?

But I digress. The movie really was fun. My sons spent long, annoying stretches whispering about U.S. military hardware deployed against the beast, while I sat back, enjoying the late '70s soundtrack, looking back at my own teen years in that moment in time.

Childhood For Sale

2011-06-13T22:06:00.004-05:00

So I've finally done it. Call if a mid-life crisis if you want. Though at my age, it's technically beyond middle age. Anyway, I've decided to begin selling off cherished childhood treasures, bit by bit. First, I'll dip into my 1000+ comic book collection (mostly Marvel titles from the early 1960s to the early 1980s), and then siphon off some baseball cards.

Don't get me wrong, This is painful. As I looked through bagged titles that no one had touched in nearly 30 years, I felt a swell of emotion. The likes of Spiderman, The X-Men, The Avengers, Superman, Batman and so many others were my safety net as a kid. When all else failed, when times were dark, I could melt into the pages of a cherished comic and learn to be a kid again.

Sadly, those days are gone. I need the cash. I just hope that if someone takes these off my hands, they have the same sense of fondness that I had.

Hi-res scans of the first sale candidates can be viewed at http://www.mediafire.com/?nvm16utw0p4ld. A PDF file is in the same location, and includes titles, condition, and asking price. A Craigslist post is also out there, https://post.craigslist.org/manage/2441307796.

Wow! It's been more than three years!

2011-06-11T00:02:00.002-05:00

Wow. It's been more than three years since I last blogged. I wish I could say I'd been doing something monumental or life altering or using my powers for the good of humanity, but the truth is more bland than that.

My last post from 2008 provided a glimpse into unemployment, Day 7. Well, 2008 was a rough year. I was out of work until mid-August, ended up taking a contract job, and my mom passed away in mid-September after a recurrence of melanoma.

The following Spring, 2009, I was again out of work for about a month, then resumed work again with the same company in my original contractor's job. Unfortunately, by the end of summer, the account I was on dried up, and I was again out of work (let go via email, while on vacation). Things got really tough. Supporting a wife and six kids is expensive, and I won't go into all the details but I will say this: There were weeks when I was lucky to scrape together $25 for groceries. No. I'm not kidding. That being the case, it's kind of tough to focus on sanity-saving hobbies like writing. I had other priorities, like finding work, trying to keep my house, maintain a marriage, keep my kids provided for, stuff like that. So the writing suffered.

I hope to find the time to write here more often than I did during those early experimental days. I'll try and throw out some fatherly advice from time to time, but take it with a spoonful or bucket load of salt. Yeah, I've been married to the same fine gal for more than 21 years and we have six kids, but I'm no parenting guru.

Check back later, maybe I'll have more to share.

Unemployed, Day Seven

2008-04-03T21:03:00.002-05:00

Not much new to report here. The wife and I, with the two littlest usually ones in tow, spent most of the day running errands. It didn't amount to much, but gobbled up a lot of time: A trip to Lowe's to pick up eight 4 foot-by-eight foot sheets of "green board" drywall (mildew and moisture resistant, nach), a side trip to Belle Tire to have an annoying "Check Engine" light looked into, and a run-in at Sam's Club for "stuff." The van had us worried. People like us seem to have bad luck, if any at all, so we were prepared for the worst. While at Sam's, my mobile rings. It's the assistant manager from Belle Tire, calling to say we could pick up the van, that he "took care of it." I was curious what that meant, and hesitant to know what the damage$ would be. The amount? Nada, zip, zilch. The culprit was a split hose of some sort, which he was able to replace with a slightly used one laying around the shop, which he said would "last quite a while." What a deal! That made our day.

Unemployed, Day Six

2008-04-02T22:26:00.002-05:00

I've discovered a pattern here. I do all of my blogging at night, usually after 11 p.m. After the little ones are in bed, after miscellaneous honey-do items are finished, after everything else. But that's to be expected in a household this large.

So today marks Day Six of unemployment hell. The only bright spot is I had a telephone interview (which seemed to go well) earlier, with the promise of a follow-up interview or in-person interview the end of next week. Sounds good. Good company, good opportunity, and closer to home. Something less than an hour and 15 minute one-way commute would be nice. Can't afford to be overly picky right now.

Unemployed, Day Five

2008-04-01T22:17:00.002-05:00

Today was pretty much like yesterday, so just refer to that post for the daily log. I decided to switch up my diet a bit, though, by working in the basement on the renovation project mentioned earlier. It involved stuffing a small storage room with every conceivable piece of junk I could cram in there -- and after 18 years of wedded bliss and six little replicants there's a lot of it down there: Books, PlaySkool houses, Hasbro action figures, stuffed animals, oooooold school video consoles (we're talking a Sears-branded console game, circa 1979 or earlier), you name it. A quick trip to the local Lowe's for some drywall and tiling supplies was followed by more cleaning, then a second 80th birthday party for my mom, then ... this. Blogging while watching Jon Stewart, then maybe some Letterman.

This unemployment gig can't get any better than this, can it? Check back tomorrow.

Unemployed, Day Four

2008-03-31T20:19:00.003-05:00

So this is it, the first day of my first full week of unemployment in a very long time. The kids also returned to school after Spring Break, so here's a run-down of today's view from the trenches:

5:15 a.m. - Get up and make sure our oldest son didn't sleep through his alarm after more than a week of sleeping in. He did. I woke him up in a not-pleasant manner, then shuffled back to bed.
6:08 a.m. - The cursed alarm clock goes off, this time reminding me I need to be up to make sure said offspring (see above) gets out the door in time to catch the school bus. He does, I shuffle back to bed.
7 a.m. - The cursed alarm clock goes off again, this time reminding me to get up and make sure youngest son -- next in line to leave for school -- has gotten up in time to leave for school. He has. My wife is in the shower, I realize said offspring needs a ride to school because he is carting a trombone (in a case), a backpack bursting at the seems with books, and a school project in a transparent, plastic container. The day is beginning beautifully.
8:15 a.m. - I walk our 9-year-old daughter out front to the sidewalk, then wave to her as she makes her way to the corner bus stop. Ten minutes later, the bus pulls up then away.

In theory, I'd be free, but then the two littlest ones remind me they are up and need something -- a clean diaper, hugs and kisses, food. The selfish little boogers!

The rest of the day wasn't much different, consisting mostly of playing with the two littlest ones, doing a little laundry, making lunch, catching the Tigers' opening day game (they lost, 5-4, by the way), making dinner. Ho-hum, just another glorious day.

Unemployed, Day Three

2008-03-30T22:08:00.002-05:00

Do the weekends count toward unemployment? Hmm, that's a philosophical question I'm left to ponder, but hopefully not for long. I expect to have a busy week, as I already have a few phone interviews scheduled. Besides scoping out job opportunities, I expect to be fully engaged in the role of stay-at-home dad. I'm sure I'll have a better appreciation of what my wife goes through every day with the kids, so it'll be an interesting experience. Wish me luck. I'll file a battle report sometime tomorrow.

Unemployed, Day Two

2008-03-29T21:09:00.002-05:00

Day two has pretty much come and gone, not any different than yesterday, really. I sent out a few resumes last night, got a nibble already, so we'll see how that works out. The day was spent on family things -- a few small errands, then most of the evening celebrating my mom's 80th birthday (which really isn't until April 1), which involved secrecy and relatives (my older siblings) flying in from out west. It was a nice event.

I haven't started (or re-started, rather) either of the novels-in-progress I mentioned yesterday, there hasn't been much time. But I'll get to them soon, maybe even post some here for critiques. Keep in mind I'm writing for myself. If I have an idea that sells, and someone thinks it's good enough for publication, great. If not, that's the breaks.

Unemployed, Day One

2008-03-28T21:12:00.004-05:00

Well, I expected this would happen and it did. I have now joined the ranks of the unemployed, and it's not a good feeling. This happened once -- twice, actually -- before in 2000, so I can deal with it. I'll move on, and hook up somewhere else. The details really aren't important, as I've never been one to dwell on the past or get bogged down in "what if" scenarios. So here's a rundown of my first day as a Labor Department statistic:

11 a.m. - The other shoe drops. Unemployment begins.

11:30 a.m. - I call my wife at home to give her the bad news. There is no easy way around it. I hear silence as she catches her breath. Our conversation lasts about 1 minute, tops.

11:45 a.m. - My wife calls back. We talk for about 10 minutes. I tell her things will work out.

12 noon - My hour-long commute home has nearly ended. The passenger seat beside me carries a lone occupant: A mocking, legal-sized manilla envelope with an HR person's contact informations scribbled at the top. Inside, the details of my severance package.

12:15 p.m.-ish - I arrive home and pull into the garage. The family meets me in the kitchen. Hugs all around, but no pep speeches.

1 p.m. - I am fast at-work restoring an old laptop computer to its original factory settings. It has been running slowly lately, mostly due, I suspect, to the onslaught of online games and plug-ins the kids have been running. Not to mention instant messaging programs, bloated cache files, and the like.

2 p.m. - I decide to go online and register for unemployment benefits. No time like the present.

3:10 p.m. - I drop my oldest son off at a nearby movie theatre. He is seeing "Horton Hears a Who" with his girl friend, so at least he'll have a few laughs.

3:30 - 6:30 p.m. - I am running errands with my wife and three youngest daughters. A trip to a local indoor mall, then a stand-alone Target store, then a Little Caesars on the way home to grab a few pizzas for dinner. During that time, we also pick up our son from the theatre. He says he had fun.

6:30 p.m. until now (around 10:30 p.m.) - I play with the two little ones, keeping them entertained while I continue to work on the laptop computer. It's a pain-in-the-butt, as every system restore requires a full-scale installation of the latest Microsoft Windows and bloatware updates. The little ones are in bed, recharging. Yippie.

So, what will I do with this new found freedom? I haven't given it much thought, but here's a quick punch list:

There is no time for a woe-is-me routine. I need to find a new job, quickly. A mortgage and six kids won't wait. Luckily, even before the hammer dropped, I had some other job opps on the horizon. Hopefully, one will pan out soon.

Obviously, I'll spend time with my wife and the two little ones (two and a half, and one), who aren't in school, yet. Even though my wife is a stay-at-home mom, she carries a heavy burden, so I'll do more than my share while I'm home.

Some lingering home improvements will get worked on. A major basement renovation, however, will slow down as the cash reserves are, well, reserved.

I'll blog more, probably offering up a daily log of my trials and tribulations as a new unemployed labor statistic. You're thrilled, I can tell. If it's any consolation, I'm not interested in any publicity or pity, like this lady. I know that probably seems harsh, but we all have our crosses to bare.

I'll get to work on two long-suffering novels I've been toying with for years, one about the Vatican, the other about Leonardo da Vinci's secret inventions. Here's the deal: I have no illusion about the success rate here. Less than one percent of published writers support themselves with the written word, so the odds are stacked. I'll try and give it a shot, though. The only caveat that matters: No print-on-demand or vanity publisher options. I'm looking for the real deal. Wish me luck.

That's about it. More to follow tomorrow.

Not dead, just beat up

2008-03-14T13:34:00.002-05:00

Yep, had a rough two-week spell around these parts. I'll try and post something new this weekend, so check back late Sunday.

I've Been Saying it for Years

2008-03-06T10:23:00.002-05:00

Not that anyone would listen, but read it for yourself:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23490439/

In a shocking revelation, the news just keeps getting better and better:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080306/ap_on_re_us/sharing_chores;_ylt=AphfmlkUH7pMqjKnfL8g9OFI2ocA

The Hall or Not?

2008-02-29T12:35:00.003-05:00

Years ago, in another life, I was a newspaper reporter. Suburban journalism, small-time stuff. Back in the early 1990s, I had the opportunity to cross the picket line, be a strike-breaker, and possibly hook-up at either the Detroit News or Detroit Free Press. I decided on neither, and went in another direction -- technology, becoming a project manager and getting involved in this whole "internet thing."

As a funny side story, I worked with a woman many years ago at a newspaper who was a classified advertising executive. She was involved in the paper's early internet forays, and said proudly and repeatedly to anyone who'd listen: "That internet? It's just a fad. It'll pass." Umm, riiight.

So, anyway. As a reporter at small-time papers, I covered everything. Obituaries. School budget stories. Dirty cops. Features. I wrote some columns, and also dabbled in sports journalism. That's where I started, never covering anything beyond high school teams. I interviewed future pro stars like Chris Webber, Derek Lowe, and Tyrone Wheatley, then got out for that "internet thing." But I am a sports fan, and continue to follow my favorite teams (Detroit Pistons, Tigers, Red Wings).

I try and keep pace with the ongoing steroids scandal, and the raging debates about Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and others who allegedly regularly used performance-enhancing steroids but continue to deny it. Supposedly, researchers claim that if you lie convincingly and long enough to yourself, you'll believe the lie and can fake lie detectors. Who knows, maybe that's what's going on with guys like Bonds and Clemens.

I'm especially interested in discussions about whether players such as Bonds and Clemens deserve to be in the Hall of Fame. I don't like either player, and never have. I haven't had time to do much research, but here's some interesting things I turned up from a comparison standpoint.

After his first 13 years in the major leagues, Bonds average per-year numbers looked like this: 147 hits (1917 total), 32 home runs (411 total), 94 RBI (1216 total), and a .289 batting average. Decent number, for sure, indicating he was always a power hitter. If he had died or retired or stopped playing for whatever reason, would they have been Hall of Fame numbers? Possibly.

The reason I picked 13 years was two-fold: I wanted to look at comparison numbers for other players, particularly Hank Aaron -- whose career HR mark Bonds surpassed last year -- and Lou Gehrig, who retired after 17 years (only after he was diagnosed with the disease that would later take his life) and whose yearly numbers never declined before he walked away from the game.

Here are Aaron's average yearly numbers after 13 years: 187 hits, 34 home runs, 110 RBI, .316 batting average. His numbers and career are not in dispute.

As for Gehrig, he looks like this: 165 hits, 29 home runs, 121 RBI, .359 average. In his last season, he played eight games, collected four hits, then announced his retirement. It's possible his health was failing physically, or he was spent emotionally and psychologically and couldn't go on. What's interesting with Gehrig is in his last full season, here were his numbers: 170 hits, 29 home runs, 114 RBI, .295 average. Very consistent. No doubts about his performance.

Both Aaron and Gehrig, deservedly and without dispute, belong in the Hall of Fame. With Bonds, it's not that easy. One of the reasons I decided to look at the number after 13 years is because, apparently, it was sometime after the 1998 season -- his 13th -- that Bonds started investigating the benefits of performance-enhancing steroids. I say allegedly because I have no proof, but I will say this: I think Bonds and Clemens have lied, and both have padded their career numbers with drugs.

Sad Day Coming

2008-02-25T09:07:00.003-05:00

Our little one -- V6 -- a year old on April 1, is nearly done with baby food, and it'll be a sad day in our house.

I say that in all seriousness, even if it sounds ridiculous, especially coming from a man -- a father of six who's been doing the dad gig for nearly 18 years. Of course, it'll save a little on the grocery bill. No more two-packs of plastic containers of mixed vegetables or Tutti Fruitti, no more mixed grain cereal. We'll stick with formula for a while, but she's got a mouthful of teeth and really enjoys "real people food" now -- Cheerios, scrambled eggs, toast (with jelly, especially), macaroni and cheese, the whole gambit.

I stopped at the grocery last night to pick up milk and bread, and detoured to the baby isle for 10 jars of food. I had a tinge of regret, knowing it could be the last trip or one of the last trips down that isle. Again, crazy, I know.

Stupid or Cool?

2008-02-20T15:30:00.002-05:00

My teenage son, V2, overslept yesterday morning.

He pulled an all-nighter, finishing-up a school project that he should've started sooner and finished much earlier, and ended-up sleeping on the livingroom couch. He never made it to bed, thus he never set his alarm. Being the good dad that I am, I got up a few minutes early (I normally get up early just to say good-bye to him and his older sister, V1, as they head out to catch the school bus), and saw him sleeping there, oblivious to the time.

Chaos and a few choice words ensued.

I ended-up driving him and his sister to school, only because his project was basically a 3 foot-by-3 foot poster board that I knew would get destroyed in the snow and on a cramped school bus. So we dash out to the van. On the way there, I realize he is wearing his clothes from the night before (as he often does -- I have no idea why, and certainly can't dress him anymore), and nothing more than a nylon starter jacket, the kind sports teams wear. The problem here is it was 15 degrees outside, and his school resides on a 300-acre, three high school campus where all the students commute between schools, having classes in any of the buildings. It was cold, it was nuts.

More choice words ensued. What the heck is wrong with kids now a days? Winter coats aren't "cool" anymore? But freezing is? I'd like to tell you this is an isolated incident, but V2 and his younger brother, V3, often go to school like that -- without a coat to match the elements. To V3's credit, he sometimes stashes his winter coat in his backpack, in case he gets cold on the walk home.

After dropping them off, I was pulling out of the dimly lit parking lot and could see a steady stream of dark, huddled, zombie-like creatures with bulging backpacks slung over their shoulders making the lonesome trek to the main entrance.

They were all dressed, basically, the same: starter jackets or hoodies, but nothing warmer.

What's wrong with kids today? Brain freeze, that's my best guess.

Official Moving Day

2008-02-18T10:35:00.002-05:00

So I moved into my new office space. It's airy -- thanks to annoying ducts snaking through the exposed ceiling -- well lit, and offers no privacy whatsoever. The four walls and doors of a cozy office (it even had a window!) have been replaced by three half-height walls of a fabric-covered cube. God love a team environment. Not.

Let There be Light -- Just Not as Often

2008-02-15T11:24:00.002-05:00

Kids of all sizes and ages are notorious for leaving lights on in rooms or hallways long after they've departed. As a parent, it's annoying as hell to walk around the house to perfectly empty -- but well lit -- rooms, flicking off the lights. Whatever happened to the mantra "Leave the room the way it was when you entered it -- or else!" that parents used to use successfully? I wish I knew.

There's a line (repeated nearly a dozen times, in fact) in the Bruce Willis movie "The Fifth Element" that makes me think of this: "Aziz, light!" I don't know why it makes me think of this, other than it's light and electricity related, and it makes me chuckle. Around the time the movie came out, I was laboring through indentured servitude at EDS as a programmer-in-training, and I had an extremely intelligent colleague named, aptly, Aziz, who went through the programmer-in-training regimen with me. Whenever a brain cell-challenged colleague such as myself needed help with a troublesome piece of code (and I needed A LOT of help, which partly explains why I high-tailed it into project management soon afterward), we would instinctively yell, "Aziz, light" as in "Enlighten me, friendly god of C++!" and he would come running to help.

Anyway, I digress. "Aziz, light" makes me think of the "always-on" dilemma with lights that I face in my own house. It's a constant battle against the forces of evil. Apart from putting lock boxes around the light switches, like you see in most office buildings with thermostats, what can you do to keep the little boogers from leaving lights on all the time? I know, if I had the answer, I'd be so rich I wouldn't care about a stinkin' utility bill.

I've often thought about equipping certain rooms in the house (bedrooms and bathrooms, mostly, and perhaps the pantry) with motion-activated light switches. That way, no one would need to flick a light switch on or off, and once someone leaves the room, the lights go off themselves after a pre-determined amount of time, say five or 10 minutes. Hmm, that sounds like it might work.

Until then, I know what I will shout at the kids if they leave the lights on:

"Aziz, light!"

The Dreaded "Mid-Winter Break"

2008-02-11T11:32:00.000-05:00

Well, it's early February, and that can only mean one thing -- okay, maybe a few things:

Sub-freezing temperatures.
Longer-than-average work commutes because many drivers continue to forget they were born and raised in Michigan, and should remember how to drive in snow, slush, and blinding sunlight when driving east in the early daylight hours. But no.
Mid-Winter Break. What's that? you ask. Schools far and wide -- public, private, home-school -- have this annoying tendency to shut-down students for a full week sometime in February. What's the logic? To give educators the chance to catch-up on paperwork or "in-service" training days? Who knows. For parents, it's usually a nightmare.

In my house, that means my dear wife's normally hectic schedule gets even more so. The four school-age troops are home for the week, no family vacation is planned, and things still need to get done -- which means mom will handle it. As always.

What's mid-winter break like in your house?

Just Say No to Crack?

2008-02-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, I admit it. I'm old-school. I don't see the logic or attraction of wearing your pants so baggy that your underwear or butt-crack could be viewed from outer space. But many people -- mostly teenage males -- do, so there must be something to this phenomenon. My own teenage son prefers to wear his pants baggy, and for the life of me I can't figure out why.

Is it a status thing? Something to fit in with the crowd and be accepted? Who knows. He doesn't seem to have an answer, beyond the standard "Everybody wears their pants like that." Hmmm, funny thing is, when I was a teenager -- back in the stone ages -- the only people I saw wear their pants baggy were old guys carrying canes. We called them "grandpa pants" back then. Now, who knows. But this new phenomenon definitely annoys people. I tell my kid all the time to pull up his pants. He usually shrugs his shoulders and continues on his merry way, content that he's found something else that gets on the old man's nerves.

Apparently I'm not the only one annoyed by this. Local politicos in Auburn Hills, Michigan are actually considering legislation to make it illegial to wear baggy pants in public or some such nonsense. And that's all it is, nonsense. I think it's gross, but do we really want to criminalize a fashion statement? Do we want to turn otherwise good kids -- but fashion-challeneged nonetheless -- into hardened criminals who used to get busted by the fashion police (their parents), but now are threatened by the real cops? It's insane.

So what do we criminalize next?

Super Tuesday is Here

2008-02-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

For better or worse, Super Tuesday is here. Regardless of your political affiliation, you hopefully made it to the polls. This is what democracy is about, so exercise your right to vote. If for some reason you couldn't make it to the local voting precinct, you'll get another shot. Vote your conscience, your heart -- do what feels right. Good luck!

Dad of the Year, Part 4

2008-01-31T22:53:00.001-05:00

It was 8 o'clock and a I was making dinner.

Chaos reigned around me. V6, plump and round and dimpled, was stuck in her high-chair, nibbling on a biter-biscuit, with mom beside her at the kitchen table. V4 was sitting nearby, talking about homework. V5 was upstairs, taking a very late "nap" because she refused one all day and couldn't stay awake any longer. She would probably miss dinner, but live to complain about it the next day -- as a much as any 2-year-old could. V1 and V3 were somewhere upstairs, sleeping, doing homework, who knows what. V2 was in the home office, pecking away at the computer.

Then the doorbell rang. We have a semi-rule in the house. After dark, if the doorbell rings and we're not expecting company, only mom or dad answer it.

"I'll get it," I said, and looked down the short hall from the kitchen that leads to a foyer then, beyond that, the front door. V2 had come out of the office to see who it was, but I got to the door before him, and pulled it open.

On the darkened porch, shivering in the cold, was a teenage boy I recognized as one of my son's friends from high school. It was about 25 degrees fahrenheit -- colder with the wind-chill -- and he was standing there in only a pair of black denims, a T-shirt, zippered hoodie, and socks. No shoes, no coat, hat, or gloves.

"Oh, hi," he said when he saw me, and not my son, his friend, at the door. He looked down quickly, holding the side of his head, tufts of black hair poking through his fingers.

"Hey, Chris," V2 said, peering over my shoulder. "You okay?"

Chris looked up at the sound of my son's voice, and we both knew right away somethign was wrong. The boy's face was pale, his nose was red from the cold. I opened the door, and motioned for him to come inside.

"I ran here," he said.

"Where do you live?" I asked, the three of us standing in the foyer.

My son piped in, telling me his friend lived by an elementary school -- about two miles away.

"What's wrong?"

"My dad hit me," Chris said, meaning his stepfather. My heart sank.

V6 led him to the living room, and I stepped away to fetch a blanket. God only knows how long it took him to get to our house in the middle of winter, in the dark, on foot. Luckily there was no snow, yet, though we're supposed to get hammered in a few hours with six to 10 inches.

I returned, and draped the blanket across his shoulders. I crouched down beside him.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, because he was still holding his head.

"He ... hit my head on the floor a few times."

By this time, our 12-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter were standing nearby in the foyer, looking on concerned.

"Get him some ice," my wife said, and the 9-year-old dashed off to retrieve an ice pack.

"Anything else hurt?" I asked.

"My leg, my back," he said. He was upset. We could all tell that much, but he wasn't bleeding or bruised. Whatever happened or started to happen, the kid was able to get out before it got worse.

I didn't want to ask more questions than necessary, but we needed to know the basics: Does your mom know where you're at? Is anyone else hurt? Where's your step dad now?

I handed him the phone and had him call home. No answer. We waited a few minutes. We gave him some generic pain medicine, some cookies, and a glass of Pepsi -- not much, just something to calm his nerves. A few minutes later, he called home again and got through to his mom.

About 15 minutes later, his family minus the stepdad -- mom driving a mini-van with a small brigade of her other children -- arrived. A younger sister came to the door, asking for him. I let her in. She immediately dashed to her brother and hugged him, crying. I stepped away and went back to the kitchen.

A few minutes after that, they were gone. Our oldest son was upset by the whole thing. We've had our share of problems -- arguments, nasty comments, pushing matches -- but nothing like that.

I hope the kid is okay. An hour or so later, his mom called to apologize. My wife told her not to, that we were just worried about their family.

Life sucks sometimes. Afterward, our oldest son told me he thought we were good parents, and to not change. That's high praise from any teenager -- I just wish the circumstances that led to it had been different.

Dad of the Year, Part 3

2008-01-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

Oh my Lord.

At some point, justice will prevail.

Read about it.

Dad of the Year, Part 2

2008-01-30T10:10:00.000-05:00

Ahh, sheer stupidity can be entertaining sometimes, but sheer stupidity combined with a disregard for innocent life is infuriating.

Case in point: Rian Wittman of Albany, Oregon who was recently sentenced to 46-months in prison for (drum roll, please, and wait for it) using a 100,000-volt stun gun on his 18-month-old son. Let me speak slowly and add some volume to that:

HE-USED-A-STUN-GUN-ON-HIS-OWN-CHILD.

It seems there were some marital problems involved, and this Father of the Year Finalist initially convinced his wife that wounds she discovered on the boy happened during a spirited game of peek-a-boo. And she bought it. When she discovered more marks on the child's body, she went to the hospital and then the police. Apparently, the father gave various reasons why he subjected his son to repeated jolts of electricity (tactics normally not seen outside of Abu Ghraib), but thankfully, the cops and prosecutor saw through his veneer of tough love. The only question I have is: Why did it take nearly a year for this to go to court?

You can find the details in the Seattle Times.

Elvis, Bigfoot, Bat Boy - Oh My!

2008-01-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

At the end of November, 2006, when my wife was expecting V6 (see earlier posts), we still hadn't told everyone in the family (i.e.: grown siblings with families of their own) of the impending addition to the clan. Keeping quiet was easy, but difficult, if that makes sense. Years ago, after V4 had arrived, certain relatives made it known that we could "stop right now. The contest is over -- you won!" Strangely enough, we never considered it a contest, and still don't. Big families in 21st Century America cause big problems -- there are housing and transportation issues, financial considerations, juggling schedules for several people, and so forth. An even bigger issue is the social stigma that often comes with it. People look at you like you're insane or, worse, diseased. You find yourselves subtly excluded from simple extended family events like playing cards, small gatherings and, instead, are relegated to things like annual holiday celebrations and birthday parties. Your family is your life, your choice and everyone let's you know it.

With that in mind, I decided I would tell my extended family that we were expecting again on my own terms. So I started to jot an email, which turned into a fake news release, see below. I changed our names, but everything else is as it appeared when I emailed it out.

"Anywhereville" couple makes stunning announcement

By Ima Lun

On Special Assignment

The Weekly World News

Monday, November 27, 2006; 10:03 AM

Anywhereville, MI (Weekly World News) - During a brief, stunning news conference this morning, a local couple -- "Bill and Muffy Dweebowitz" -- announced the impending arrival of their 27th child, due on Easter, 2007.

Bill Dweebowitz, 40, physically unable to maintain his balance after suffering a severe blow to the head several months ago, teetered on a bar stool in front of a podium before a media throng. "I just want to clarify that this is our sixth, not 27th and -- thanks to the wonders of medical technology -- will be the last flower growing in our garden."

Muffy Dweebowitz, also 40, smiled but declined comment. She left the news conference shortly after her husband clarified the announcement.

In attendance for the conference were the Dweebowitz's five other children. Their oldest daughter, "Mindy," 16 said her initial response to the news was, "How could you do this to me?"

Also in attendance was a "retired" rock-n-roll singer from Memphis -- a charter member of the Federal Witness Relocation Program since 1977 -- who said he was moving into the Dweebowitz's basement, free of charge, to help care for the growing brood. He denied offering to perform at a benefit concert for the clan. His response when offered free room and board? "Ahh thank you, thank you very much." His only request from the family? 24-hour access to the kitchen and medicine cabinet, and a “record player” so he could listen to a collection of “old 45-LPs.”

“Oh yeah, one more thing,” he said to the reporters. “I’ll be bringing my bodyguard along – this really hairy, tall dude with the biggest feet I’ve ever seen.”

Dweebowitz thanked family and friends for their support, and assured everyone in attendance that he would continue psychiatric care in the future -- including counseling, electro-shock therapy, and lithium treatments. He denied, however, selling naming rights to the unborn child on Ebay, or that he would appear live on The Jerry Springer Show for “corrective surgery.”

"But this is it," he said as he left the podium. "No more press conferences."

Two men in black suits with matching sunglasses, ties, and fedoras escorted Dweebowitz from the room.

Editor’s Note: For other gripping Weekly World News articles, including the latest Bat Boy sightings, please visit us online at http://www.weeklyworldnews.com.

So what do you think? Wanna guess what kind of reaction that fake news released received?

Flu Bug

2008-01-28T09:13:00.000-05:00

Wow. Has it really been five days since I posted? Well, the whole family has been down that long with the flu bug -- body aches, headaches, chills, fever, long trips to the bathroom for different reasons. Still have a few bodies trying to recover, but I'll get some stuff up online. There are a few things I want to talk about. Stay tuned.

When Young Love Went on a Road Trip

2008-01-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

You've heard their story, right? Two teenage love-birds, a 13-year-old girl and her 15-year-old boyfriend, steal the boy's parents' minivan and go on a road trip to get away and be together.

Thanks to national news bulletins, law enforcement caught up with the two in Louisiana after a Frito Lay deliveryman recognized them at a gas station and asked a clerk to call the police. With help from "Inside Edition," the families of both teens are on their way south to pick them up and bring them home.

As a father, my first thought is: "Thank God they're safe."

As a father of a teenage son, my second thought is: "I'm going to ring your neck! What were you thinking? You could've gotten yourselves into a lot of trouble -- or worse!"

Parents of both teens have a lot of work to do. Both kids need help, as you'll read in news articles. They were told to not see each other anymore, but as parents of any teen can tell you, that gets ignored as quickly as it rolls off your tongue.

I'm not completely sure how I would've reacted in that situation. What's your take? Good luck to all of them -- they'll need it.

Check It Out

2008-01-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

A buddy of mine, Tex, a sometimes struggling novelist-editor-screenwriter-musician played a private party recently for the North American International Auto Show in downtown Detroit. Check out his band at the links below:

Myspace page
YouTube

Top 10 Super Powers Every Dad Needs

2008-01-19T23:34:00.000-05:00

10. The ability to add 3-4 hours to each day, as needed.
9. The ability to freeze time, or at least everyone else in it.
8. One hundred-percent accurate "Dad Sense," so you'll know when your teenagers want something, as soon as they walk into whatever room you're in at that time.
7. The ability to create dollars out of pennies.
6. The ability to make your kids laugh on command, or at least without having to share a noisy, bodily function in their immediate vicinity.
5. The ability, even temporarly, to read your kid's mind when you know something's going on and the truth isn't involved.
4. The power to teach them to learn from your mistakes.
3. The power to keep everyone at arms' length and happy during a long family road trip.
2. The ability to meet a teen's new boyfriend or girlfriend and just say "Hello," without immediately tossing out embarrassing knicknames or stories from the past.
1. The ability to just say "No," just because.

More da Vinci "secrets" revealed

2008-01-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

My family is well aware of my pseudo-obsession with Leonardo da Vinci (April 15, 1452 – May 2, 1519), with his life, works, and mysteries, and I was a little saddened when news broke recently that the lingering "secret" behind his famous artwork, The Mona Lisa, has been verified, or nearly so. Academics and historians had long suspected what others opined about -- the Lisa in the painting was none other than Lisa del Giocondo, the wife of a wealthy Florentine whose portrait the Great Master had been commissioned to paint. So it was strictly a business transaction, a matter of money -- nothing more, nothing less.

I say that I am a little saddened by the news because it drives another nail in the coffin that was overflowing with an idea I had for a fictional da Vinci story (a full-length novel), focusing on the mystery of the painting, who the subject matter was, and her relationship to da Vinci. That was years ago, of course (this is the writer interrupted part I mentioned in an earlier post), and the idea was lodged in the back of my mind, festering, causing an infection that wouldn't go away and can't be cured anytime soon. Obviously, the story wasn't written, which leads me to my favorite da Vinci quote:

"Tell me if anything was ever done."

The Great Master reportedly scrawled this (right to left, no doubt, as was his unique style) in one of his notebooks, lamenting why he came up with so many great ideas in his life, but never saw them to fruition.

Or did he? That's another question, another idea to ponder, hopefully one that won't fester untouched for so long.

Links:
Famous Quotes
About da Vinci
The story behind the smile

Dad of the year?

2008-01-17T14:23:00.001-05:00

Heard about this one? Some knuckle-head Green Bay Packers fan, a 36-year-old father, wants his 7-year-old son to wear a Packer's jersey for the recent playoff game. When the little offspring/reprobate (Okay, I'm sure he's a good kid. He's 7 for cryin' out loud) refuses, dad-of-the-year decides to play a joke and tape said offspring to the jersey, or vice versa. The wife/mother takes pictures. The police get involved. Father gets arrested. Restraining order gets issued. Man ... what a .... man. You decide. Linkage thing below.

The sad details

This blog and that weird title

2008-01-17T13:40:00.001-05:00

Having been involved in various internet, web, and new media projects since 1993, when Netscape Navigator was a beta project, but new to the blogosphere, I decided to do some research. The prevailing opinion, steeped in common sense, no less, is that to be successful as a blogger and draw visitors, you need to write about things you know or what interests you the most. At this point in my life, what I know and what interest me (for good or bad) are the same thing -- being a dad. Apart from volume production, I'm not sure I'm good at that, but 17+ years of experience with a household of six kids (ages 17+ years to nine months) must count for something. So I'll spend time dropping advice, relaying anecdotes, commenting, stuff like that. You're welcome to comment and relay your experiences, and maybe we can trade words of wisdom and improve at what we do (being fathers). We'll see.

Now, about that weird blog title, Dad 2.0 - Better, Faster, Stronger (Okay, maybe not), and what it means. Don't read anything more into it than you need. It's a play on the whole Web 2.0 notion -- the next step, evolution, how things will play out in the future, and why version 2.0 will be better than 1.0. On that note, I'm probably only marginally better at this parenting thing than my own father, God rest his soul. He, too, helped pump out six kids, beginning in 1950. I won't go into a lot of details here, but he was -- I've been told by reliable sources -- a better father to V1, V2, and V3 (my three oldest siblings) than he was to V4, V5 (twins, by the way), and V6 (me) due to things like the economy and a dependence on booze that didn't crop up until much later in his role as a father. I've avoided the booze thing, but the sad economy and a litany of poor financial decisions have thrown me and the family for a loop quite a few times -- okay, pretty much for the entire 17+ year run.

About Me

2008-01-17T13:28:00.001-05:00

Ahh, where to begin. For the time being, I shall remain anonymous, until I've developed enough self-confidence to reveal my identity (That kind of sounds cool, eh? Like some angst-riddled do-gooder/super hero afraid of revealing his name for fear of endangering his good acts? Okay, maybe not).

Here are the generic, sad details of my existence:

* I am a 40-something male.
* I have a wife and six kids to support (more on that later).
* I have debts up to my eye-balls.
* I am a writer interrupted (more on this later).
* I live in the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan.
* I work in advertising as a vice-president-of-something managing the project-for-someone-whose-budget-doesn't-match-the-scope. Or something like that (more on this later, maybe).

Welcome!

2008-01-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my blog, and thank you for taking the time to visit. This blog was originally titled something different, but it didn't catch on, I wasn't dedicated (don't know if I'll be anymore this time round, either), had writer's block for two years, whatever. Anyway, read on. I'll explain more in other posts.